Jobs

Does the "career" exist anymore?? I have to ask--many times during the day I have to wonder am I going to keep my job. Wonder slowly turns into the aggravated worry and I then have to let that task go. If I have a job, I do. If I don't, well meet me on the ramp--I'll be selling veggies! Seriously, it's not my job to worry. Concerned, maybe on a good day. But worried, not at all. I have enough gray hair to show my dignified age--don't need anymore to show it. It's my job to be a good steward and wait. Is this hard? More than anything, but not impossible. I have to know that all will be okay, not matter what comes or who goes.

In my green suit, I look cute today; very professional. My hair could use a little touching up, but I'm not perfect. Today, be inspired by your job--the job of being you. The position title where you receive a paycheck doesn't make you, the car doesn't make you, your history doesn't make you. The current you makes you. So, do your job. (Now, that's a job that will turn into a career--and you'll love it!!)

The Cost

For those of you know actually know me, you know I'm cheap!! I mean, my name should be "Bird" I'm so cheap. Doesn't make any sense, but hey, take it or leave it. I always have been. I saw some things when I was younger that made me hold on to money and things of value, to cherish and have as much as I could. People who I loved more than I could understand life all of a suddenly left and it felt as if they left me--alone, completely alone. So, I adjusted--each and every time, over and over and over. Each time left me with more heartache because I'd truly given so much of myself.

I said all that to say: the past is most certainly the past. While I've had sad tears of torment and ignorance, I raised my head and glassy eyes with a new found self-respect for myself. The shaky voice of a frail girl is now the soul stirring voice of good woman who's found her self and is grateful and proud of the woman she's become and is continuously becoming. She is me: sassy, saved and most of all satisfied. But none of this came without a cost. I had to bare the brunt of pain, complete disrespect, wish lists of happiness only to feel like none of it was to ever come true. I kept my brain on the books, my mind on a positive future and one foot in front of the other. I was going to be okay; I am okay. Stilettos or barefoot, all is still good.

Looking for_________

I begin to doubt and just leave everything: life, car, house, you name it. I gave up, and on purpose. Why had my life turned out like this? How did I become this person of both regret and envy? I couldn't explain it and everywhere I turned every person I vented to, confessed to, or let have it prayed for me or just told me plainly "it will get better". For an analytically thinker like myself, that wasn't cutting it. I wanted a full plan of action; a die-hard, ride-or-die plan that would not lose. I found no one had one, ____-mart (fill in the blank with a "mart" nearest you) didn't carry them and books are too hard to read when all you can do is cry. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God"--ok, good, but what does that mean? Words mean different things to different people, so that wasn't helping me. I thought, with that, I could lean into my own understanding and be in some serious trouble. I sulked, I cried some more, and I ate--wwwhhheeewww!! Anyone who lost weight, I know where it went (let me know if you want it back!!!).

For me, I needed more than words in a book. I wanted help and I looked for it. I needed God so show me how, when, why, and where the wrongs were and how, when, and why to correct them. For me, He does that through others; through parables. Some of us are visual learners, some are prodigies, some of us must read, study, and focus. Some are all of the above. Not matter what, you have to keep your mind stayed on Him--visually, by being an example, reading or all 3. The only choice you have is which way you'll learn. Once you understand what you're supposed to learn: digest it--savor the flavor from Him and and get all that you can from it. I promise you the reward is too sweet!!

Father, I pray that those seeking Your face or those who want to seek You but are too confused, scared, or hurt to get any words out, find out and digest all You have for them. Ame.

Forgiveness...such an ugly word when you don't want to forgive. It's hurtful, painful, like pulling off live skin. I want to forgive, but it's so hard. My heart doesn't really want to, but I know I have to. It's a must. I feel like that's really blocking my breakthrough. I can forget, but have I really forgiven those for what they've done to me? Some I have; unfortunately, there are some I have not. It burns physically deep and mentally this pain gives me headaches. Now, the question is: is it the pain and hurt that takes its toll physically on me--or is it the unforgiveness? Selfishly, I want to say the pain.

In today's society, to let people know that they've hurt you is almost an invitation to a 3pm afterschool fight. So, how do you let someone know how you feel; if you think you're feelings have been hurt and (here's the key) have them take you seriously??? Hmmm...food for thought (I talking a full plate here!) Very carefully: ask to speak to him/her privately and make your concerns know, honestly and not forcefully. Look the person in the eye and keep the dramatics at home. No need for that. Make sure that the hurting party doesn't have any questions and you end with an agreeable handshake (if not a friendly hug). Leave all hurt there at that meeting point; let not your heart be troubled.

Yeah, I know it's easier said than done: to leave it all there, but in order to move forward and no behind--you have to. Think about it...

Independence...

Today, is Independence Day. To America, Happy Birthday!! To the rest of you, enjoy your barbecues, sun, and relaxing good times. In all you do, don't for get about the Father. No, not the one falling asleep because he's too full from grilled chicken and ice cream (hey you, the one reading this post: wipe the drool from Daddy's bottom lip!) Ok, now, back to my post...Don't forget about the heaven father, the one who ultimately created you. While you may be independent in the fact you have your own place/room, car/bus pass, and money, you are NOT independent from God. He will not leave you--why would or should you leave Him? What are you doing to cause, either on purpose or by mistake, absolute independence by trying to do things on your own? What's the purpose? You were created by Him, pushed out through your mother by His power, raised and still alive because of Him, so what, exactly are you doing? To be independent of the Father is to be absent from all sanity, empty, lost, and without purpose.

Father, thank you for allowing me to make my own choices, have my own thoughts, be my own person, but not independent from You. Amen.