Looking for_________

I begin to doubt and just leave everything: life, car, house, you name it. I gave up, and on purpose. Why had my life turned out like this? How did I become this person of both regret and envy? I couldn't explain it and everywhere I turned every person I vented to, confessed to, or let have it prayed for me or just told me plainly "it will get better". For an analytically thinker like myself, that wasn't cutting it. I wanted a full plan of action; a die-hard, ride-or-die plan that would not lose. I found no one had one, ____-mart (fill in the blank with a "mart" nearest you) didn't carry them and books are too hard to read when all you can do is cry. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God"--ok, good, but what does that mean? Words mean different things to different people, so that wasn't helping me. I thought, with that, I could lean into my own understanding and be in some serious trouble. I sulked, I cried some more, and I ate--wwwhhheeewww!! Anyone who lost weight, I know where it went (let me know if you want it back!!!).

For me, I needed more than words in a book. I wanted help and I looked for it. I needed God so show me how, when, why, and where the wrongs were and how, when, and why to correct them. For me, He does that through others; through parables. Some of us are visual learners, some are prodigies, some of us must read, study, and focus. Some are all of the above. Not matter what, you have to keep your mind stayed on Him--visually, by being an example, reading or all 3. The only choice you have is which way you'll learn. Once you understand what you're supposed to learn: digest it--savor the flavor from Him and and get all that you can from it. I promise you the reward is too sweet!!

Father, I pray that those seeking Your face or those who want to seek You but are too confused, scared, or hurt to get any words out, find out and digest all You have for them. Ame.