Jesus, Good Morning

Chorus: Jesus, Good Morning
Just want to thank and praise you for keeping me
Jesus, I thank you
Because you're the only one who'll let me be

1st Verse
God, I don't know what to say this morning
My heart is full, filled with anger and torment
How can I get others to see the God I serve
Is better than any friend or parent, all they'll every need or deserve

Many walk around with their head's in a funk
Clouded by society and all its junk
Why don't they turn to you, I don't understand
You're the only one with all the answers in His hand

Chorus:
Jesus, Good Morning
Just want to thank and praise you for keeping me
Jesus, I thank you
Because you're the only one who'll let me be

2nd Verse:
Just stop and think about what going on and on
In the city and world around you
It doesn't have to hurt, be painful or overbearing
Just give Him your love, show care and sharing

Oh, Oh, Rejoice!!
Good Morning Jesus
Thank you for giving new ways to please us
You're the most, the greatest, beyond any measure
In my life, you're the absolute treasure

Bridge: Jesus, I say Jesus
You're the only thing I need
Your the only way I breathe
Jesus, I say Jesus
I cry out your name
This not, not a game
Jesus, I say Jesus
Thank you for letting me be all you've called me to be...

Good Night, Friend
Good Night, Messiah
My days are filled with love

New Experiences

In order to grow, we must all try something new. Parties, new friends, new love. It makes us feel alive, growth and strength. When these new found experiences go awry, we may feel depressed or feel like "why???". But without those specific chances and to actually take them, we may have never moved anywhere--forward, backward, up down, nothing. If things have not gone exactly like you want them to, rejoice anyway. If things have gone, like you want them to, well be happy (but don't rub it in anyone's face!). Take the lessons you've learned, remember them and pass them on to others.

Every second, every minute holds a lesson (or more than one). Be blessed by them: some never their lessons. They ignore them, pretend those lessons do not exists and repeat the same lessons at different times. Before the year is out, take some time to close your eyes, take a deep breath, smile and remember all of the lessons, blessings, and heartfelt things learned and received this year. A dollar says you'll laugh all the way to the bank!!

Father, while you're birthday is near, I'd like to give you one gift early: appreciation. Yes, I show it and my body pulses with all You are, but I'd like to take the time now to say. Thank You, I worship You, I honor You and I am grateful for the lessons I've learned just by living and those I've learned by being observant.

Got to be there

Even if it hurts, be there for someone.
Even if it means losing time for something you want to do, just be there.
Even if it doesn't make sense to you, be there.
Even if he/she changes her mind over and over, still be there.
Even if it's 2 am, get up and be there.
Even if you're mad at him/her, put the anger aside and be there.
Even if the boss is calling, try to be there.
Even when doubt settles in your mind about the situation, please be there.
Even if you have the kids, take them with you and be there.
Even if you're not sure you like this person, go and be there.
Even if you feel like you've given your last, give some more and be there.

Everyone needs, wants, desires, craves, longs for, thirsts for, hopes for, cries for someone, some people, some time. Everyone does. Give because you can and because you don't know when your time of need will come.

The Holidays

This year is a new beginning for me. A time where I'm eager to begin new days filled with smiles, laughter and enjoying who I am. For Thanksgiving, I visited my father's side of the family and learned alot about myself. While I was visiting them and reconnecting with as many of them as possible, I also observed that we have the same styles and traits. I went shopping with one cousin and picked up some of the exact same clothes at the same time. I never expected that! You might say "well of course--you're related!" When you don't see each other much (say once in the past 5-10 years), it has a different effect.

Give love the way you would want to receive love. If something is bothering you, let the other party know and resolve the situation. Let not another moment pass, without a smile, hug or something to say you care to someone else. If the affection is not reciprocated, well, you've done your part. Keep Smilin'.While it's easy to buy a gift or send cash, make your gift giving enough time from your day to make a difference for someone else.

Praise

Yesterday, it was all I could do to sit still and just worship. I got my shout on right here in my office. I realized (again), after praising Him, that praise is the ultimate for God. When you give Him all of you and hold nothing back--He recognizes you and loves you more for it. That love may be shown in many different ways: financially, more spiritual gifts, or just the sunshine on your head instead of rain.

I see praise this way: I'm laying the foundation, the complete foundation for what He has in store for me. Together, God and I are carpenters over my life; making me over and rebuilding a better model of myself. It's like setting up the red carpet, the big bright lights, movie style ropes that separate you from the rest. You're carried in a limo: a car that surrounds you in darkness with inferior gifts of crystal glasses, alcoholic drinks and music with high sexual overtones. There's a partition separating you from the driver, but ultimately you are extremely alone in the back. Sometimes were held in the "limo position" for a time, reason and place. He's restoring me getting me ready for the big reveal. When all seems lonely and a long time, God has the driver stop the car, open the door and let the new, God-improved "Bea" step out. He's there the entire time this remake and reveal is going on. He's taken my hand and guiding me through the process. I'm no longer what I used to be, what others thought of me. On His prepared red carpet, I'm a stunning image and fully restored example of what He has in store for me. No worry, just relief and relaxation. No adjustments here or there, just enjoyment of the time He's prepared. It's a delicate life filled with balance, prayer, dedication, hope, success (not necessarily financial), and being humble. What's I'm saying is: when you praise with all might, all power, all cells in your body--you're sure to walk the red carpet life with God.

God, my hair may be a little rough, my clothes sometimes shabby--but I'm determined to reach the red carpet with You.

Safety

My mother tells me that as a baby I rolled off my aunt's bed--and under it. When a cousin asked to see me and could not find me on the bed they found me, still asleep. After a frantic search, there I was under Aunt Mary's bed, still sleep. No bruises, no crying, no worries--I was just fine.

It's amazing how something so small can turn into something so big and then back to nothing. Why do we have to grow frantic at the drop of a dime? Is it to make us realize what we have? Is it to make us aware of ourselves and to be more cautious? Yes, but there's more to it than that. I think it's to remind us we're in His safety. The day I fell, I could have been hurt to the point of brain damage, but I made it anyway. I was a preemie, so a big fall like that could have been worse than others. Instead, I remained in the safety of the Lord.

Today, I'm still here and in His care. There are no physical reminders of that day, only the story. I still keep it with me to remind me at any point in time--at the drop of a different dime-anything can change. For the things that remain constant and keep me straight, I'm grateful. For the aggravation and headaches that come more often than I'd like, I'm grateful.

What can you be grateful for today?

Bullying

First, let's address the fact that it doesn't just happen to people who reveal their sexual orientation. But that's all you see online: they got hurt because they're gay. I was bullied for quite sometime, and just like the other survivors--I'm better, I'm stronger and a fighter. To the ones who bullied me, tore me apart, made me cry for their own self gratification--it's over. I no longer have nightmares about what you're going to do to me. I no longer care about your life; only trying to live mine to the fullest.

I've found that people who commit ignorant acts do so because they have nothing else to do. There is a point of suffering within his/her own life that he/she has not identified. Just let it go and deal with the matter. To bully is to be selfish and to show you really don't have enough going on for yourself. Nice...

For me, my faith carries me. I realize that the body I live in will only be here for some time and then I'll go "home". A famous author once said she let go when she realized it was holding back her joy. So true. How can you know what it is to smile just because if you're always worried about your shadow or what's next. Is it really your job to worry? Once you let go--I mean really let go--your shoulders will lose weight and your body will feel like silly puddy...Why? You've held so much in for so longer (anger, hate, bitterness, nervousness, fear) that your natural body almost doesn't what to do. It will feel strange at first, like something is wrong. But trust me--it's a great feeling.

The key is to make this feeling true knowledge. "What do you mean, Bea?" Thought you'd never ask...Feelings only last for a short time. Get paper and a pen and just take time to write down how you felt and what was going on at the time you let go. Keep a journal of that feeling and the other good feelings to follow. When the bullying starts again (and it will) or any other ill feelings, go back to the journal to remind you of what made you feel better. Over time, that feeling won't be just a feeling but, indeed, a natural thought-or knowledge-to you. Hope this makes sense to you...

Father, protect the bullied that they may let go and live. Father, teach the bullies that they may learn from their mistakes. Amen.

Dead Weight

There are some people I'm really glad to have out of my life. I call them "dead weight". I've tried to be friends, I've been there until I couldn't give anymore of myself. Yes, it was tough: missing meals, giving up money, listening to them complain (not vent, but complain) until the wee hours of the morning. Enough is enough. I, too, get tired of being everyone's angel and being there for them. Most often, these same people have proven NOT to be there for me. Frankly, I'm sick of it! Did you hear me--just sick of it!!!! So, I've come to a resolution to put me first. If they can't handle it, they should be in prayer for themselves. You may ask "why is she acting like that?" My reply (even though I know you should not answer a question with a question) "Why are you being selfish and only thinking of yourself?" I deserve better.

At first, I thought about the title "dead wait" because some of us wait to see if the situation gets better, if the person with the issues is going to change. Change does not seem to come at all. So, not only is the person holding you back, but you're losing time in your own life...

If I tell you I don't want to do something, don't ask why. Respect my decision. If I ask you to do something you don't want to do, just say so--don't give me an attitude about it or "lip". There's no reason for all the drama. Address me the way you'd like to be addressed. Respect me as your equal, not as your servant. Good luck being without me: carefully deal with the situation yourself before call/drag someone else into it. In essence, what happened to giving it to God? I can finally stand and do for me instead of being weighted down by troubles, ignorance, doubt, defeat, deceitfulness and greed.

To my true friends, get ready for new adventures, new sights and new smiles.
God, thank you for this day and all else you've given me. Thank you for helping me to realize, I do and can come first.

Fighting the good fight...

Sometimes the best way to fight is silently. There are times when your voice will need to be raised and feathers ruffled, but there are times when just a look or a quick prayer while the other party is speaking is all that's needed.

Consider that option and fight the good fight.

The Light...

Y'know I've found myself to be a very negative person. I do self evaluations every now and then, frankly I've found myself to be self-hating and not knowing how to get out of my own funk. When I found what I thought was a way out (via eating, conversing, hiding at home) I've found I was only covering and masking a necessary evil. I've often wanted to run away, tried suicide several times, and often cried about the darkness around me. I'm learning--I'm grateful to say--I'm learning that holding on means light is just around the bend. I can and will see the light if I just hold on. That hold may be to just a thread, but nevertheless, I'm still holding.

I'm also learning to let go and when to let go. This task proves to be impossible, but I'm learning to do it. (Lord knows if I can learn it, anyone can!!). If someone has hurt or even damaged you physically or your spirit--let them go. And the funny thing is, you don't have to tell them. Reveal your guarded heart to God and let Him take care of the rest. Over time, you'll see you've let go of that hurt and/or damage, but more importantly its let go of you.

Ease into the light: enjoy it, bask in it, let it show your glow. If we were to just immediately be immersed in the light, we'd be blinded, hot and bothered. While I know the light is coming (and I'm anticipating it), I'm finding my way through the dark...

Please Join Me...

I invite anyone who wants inspiration from a dedicated, loving Christian who just wants to make God overjoyed to please join my blog. Thanks for reading...

Just me.

So....like it's Friday night and I'm at home writing. Am I a killjoy? No, don't think so. I know I need rest and will allow my body to get what it needs. No kids, no husband--whatever will I do? I'll enjoy the quiet and peace, realizing that somewhere a mother is wishing to be me. From time to time, I do hangout and chill with my friends, but tonight it's just me. And frankly, I'm quite satisfied with that.

See, I'm learning that life is about being satisfied with what you have and also having the knowledge to know when to move on. Get ready for a bright, honest future full of possibilities and hope. Be happy, ready for the next big move, and remember to smile. Finally, remember to get some sleep--being satisfied requires energy, patience, a clear mind, and a true heart.

God, thank you. I'm happy, down right overjoyed and it all comes from You. Amen.

Room For Improvement

Allow yourself room for improvement. Nothing is perfect; nothing ever will be. Just relax and enjoy everything for what it is. The more you worry, the more you allow yourself to be put in a position and controlled. You're allowing yourself to be disillusioned and kept down. If you receive a bad grade, review the incorrect answers and find out why they're wrong. If you receive a bad work report, find out what you can do to improve your situation. Don't let the situation dominate you: get better, get stronger. Fight for what you truly want and believe. There's room for improvement.

I'm sitting at here wondering about tomorrow, knowing it's in God's hands. I was a little stressed about my job, but it's just that a job. When it's time for me to leave/I'm let go, that's it. Concerned? yes. Worried? no...I do what I do best: put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. I feel like a constant sacrifice sometimes, but I know God has more for me. There's a lesson to be learned in this. My head up always...

The I's have it...

When I was younger, my life was much like that of a lower case i: short body, ideally useless to anyone but myself and a head (the dot on the "i") with seemingly too much hair on it that carried the brain of an intelligent adult. Yes, I was a small in stature, smart and a smartypants. Life carried me in different directions and thus the dot (or head on my shoulders) begin to wave back and forth like a bobble head doll. The more I got into trouble for things I most often did not do, the more I tried to hang out with so called friends who were more like frenemies, the more I tried to fit in , the more my issues--which turned into troubles, which turned into burdens--weighed down on the dot on my eye; the bobble head (if you will). Tears ran, frustration came, and of course the proverbial wondering of "why, Lord" but during this time, I learned to stand still. I focused on things that matter: my studies (hence, my MA in English), my family and I spent alot of time alone. To some, that time alone may have seemed like i was left out, undesirable, strange. On the outside, I was. On the inside, i was becoming I and didn't really understand how or why. Now, as I type, I get it. It was to become much more than a friend, a co-worker, a part of society. It was to embrace all that will lie ahead for me: endometriosis, stubborn friendships, sisterhood, pain, the experience of being overjoyed. Today, I'm connected, filled with understanding of how and why things happen and the ability to accept change and circumstance. I said all of this to say, the I's have it. As the "i" and as "I", there's a shadow that's always there--God. If you don't understand why you seem to "bobble" through life and nothing seems to come together, ask Him. If you're concerned with how to make the connection for yourself, ask Him. Guaranteed, you'll be glad you did and satisfied with the answer.

No Body Greater...

There's nobody greater than Him...

What are you looking for???

You've looked up, down, all around...and....nothing...It's not in your shoe, your boot, your underwear drawer, under the sink--well, dang, where is it? That depends--what are you looking for? If you're looking for the carnal, the flesh, the things you should not have with a new spirit--you may not find them. If you're looking for a better spirit, determination, focus, and love--keep straight ahead to find the alter, welcoming love, and a calm spirit. If you're looking for something you can't find, did you every think may you shouldn't be looking for this particular thing? Maybe that's the reason you haven't found it. It's either not for you or you're not ready for it yet. Get a pillow and fall on your knees and ASK--for help to find the missing thing, for understanding as to why it was taken away, and for instructions on how not to lose this thing again. Remember all you've asked, just in case you're asked to help someone else. You can pass this lesson on to them...

Jobs

Does the "career" exist anymore?? I have to ask--many times during the day I have to wonder am I going to keep my job. Wonder slowly turns into the aggravated worry and I then have to let that task go. If I have a job, I do. If I don't, well meet me on the ramp--I'll be selling veggies! Seriously, it's not my job to worry. Concerned, maybe on a good day. But worried, not at all. I have enough gray hair to show my dignified age--don't need anymore to show it. It's my job to be a good steward and wait. Is this hard? More than anything, but not impossible. I have to know that all will be okay, not matter what comes or who goes.

In my green suit, I look cute today; very professional. My hair could use a little touching up, but I'm not perfect. Today, be inspired by your job--the job of being you. The position title where you receive a paycheck doesn't make you, the car doesn't make you, your history doesn't make you. The current you makes you. So, do your job. (Now, that's a job that will turn into a career--and you'll love it!!)

The Cost

For those of you know actually know me, you know I'm cheap!! I mean, my name should be "Bird" I'm so cheap. Doesn't make any sense, but hey, take it or leave it. I always have been. I saw some things when I was younger that made me hold on to money and things of value, to cherish and have as much as I could. People who I loved more than I could understand life all of a suddenly left and it felt as if they left me--alone, completely alone. So, I adjusted--each and every time, over and over and over. Each time left me with more heartache because I'd truly given so much of myself.

I said all that to say: the past is most certainly the past. While I've had sad tears of torment and ignorance, I raised my head and glassy eyes with a new found self-respect for myself. The shaky voice of a frail girl is now the soul stirring voice of good woman who's found her self and is grateful and proud of the woman she's become and is continuously becoming. She is me: sassy, saved and most of all satisfied. But none of this came without a cost. I had to bare the brunt of pain, complete disrespect, wish lists of happiness only to feel like none of it was to ever come true. I kept my brain on the books, my mind on a positive future and one foot in front of the other. I was going to be okay; I am okay. Stilettos or barefoot, all is still good.

Looking for_________

I begin to doubt and just leave everything: life, car, house, you name it. I gave up, and on purpose. Why had my life turned out like this? How did I become this person of both regret and envy? I couldn't explain it and everywhere I turned every person I vented to, confessed to, or let have it prayed for me or just told me plainly "it will get better". For an analytically thinker like myself, that wasn't cutting it. I wanted a full plan of action; a die-hard, ride-or-die plan that would not lose. I found no one had one, ____-mart (fill in the blank with a "mart" nearest you) didn't carry them and books are too hard to read when all you can do is cry. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God"--ok, good, but what does that mean? Words mean different things to different people, so that wasn't helping me. I thought, with that, I could lean into my own understanding and be in some serious trouble. I sulked, I cried some more, and I ate--wwwhhheeewww!! Anyone who lost weight, I know where it went (let me know if you want it back!!!).

For me, I needed more than words in a book. I wanted help and I looked for it. I needed God so show me how, when, why, and where the wrongs were and how, when, and why to correct them. For me, He does that through others; through parables. Some of us are visual learners, some are prodigies, some of us must read, study, and focus. Some are all of the above. Not matter what, you have to keep your mind stayed on Him--visually, by being an example, reading or all 3. The only choice you have is which way you'll learn. Once you understand what you're supposed to learn: digest it--savor the flavor from Him and and get all that you can from it. I promise you the reward is too sweet!!

Father, I pray that those seeking Your face or those who want to seek You but are too confused, scared, or hurt to get any words out, find out and digest all You have for them. Ame.

Forgiveness...such an ugly word when you don't want to forgive. It's hurtful, painful, like pulling off live skin. I want to forgive, but it's so hard. My heart doesn't really want to, but I know I have to. It's a must. I feel like that's really blocking my breakthrough. I can forget, but have I really forgiven those for what they've done to me? Some I have; unfortunately, there are some I have not. It burns physically deep and mentally this pain gives me headaches. Now, the question is: is it the pain and hurt that takes its toll physically on me--or is it the unforgiveness? Selfishly, I want to say the pain.

In today's society, to let people know that they've hurt you is almost an invitation to a 3pm afterschool fight. So, how do you let someone know how you feel; if you think you're feelings have been hurt and (here's the key) have them take you seriously??? Hmmm...food for thought (I talking a full plate here!) Very carefully: ask to speak to him/her privately and make your concerns know, honestly and not forcefully. Look the person in the eye and keep the dramatics at home. No need for that. Make sure that the hurting party doesn't have any questions and you end with an agreeable handshake (if not a friendly hug). Leave all hurt there at that meeting point; let not your heart be troubled.

Yeah, I know it's easier said than done: to leave it all there, but in order to move forward and no behind--you have to. Think about it...

Independence...

Today, is Independence Day. To America, Happy Birthday!! To the rest of you, enjoy your barbecues, sun, and relaxing good times. In all you do, don't for get about the Father. No, not the one falling asleep because he's too full from grilled chicken and ice cream (hey you, the one reading this post: wipe the drool from Daddy's bottom lip!) Ok, now, back to my post...Don't forget about the heaven father, the one who ultimately created you. While you may be independent in the fact you have your own place/room, car/bus pass, and money, you are NOT independent from God. He will not leave you--why would or should you leave Him? What are you doing to cause, either on purpose or by mistake, absolute independence by trying to do things on your own? What's the purpose? You were created by Him, pushed out through your mother by His power, raised and still alive because of Him, so what, exactly are you doing? To be independent of the Father is to be absent from all sanity, empty, lost, and without purpose.

Father, thank you for allowing me to make my own choices, have my own thoughts, be my own person, but not independent from You. Amen.

Patience

My job is truly teaching me about patience and how to be flexible. First the project is going to take off, then its not--it is, then it isn't. Goooo, stop!!! All day long for the past week. For me, it's given me a time to be grateful; a time to reflect and realize I have no fear. Nothing is not going to happen without Him, so just sit back and enjoy the (somewhat bumpy) ride.

Realize all you've been given; take nothing for granted. Enjoy who you are and learn from the lessons set before you. While the lesson may be tough, so is obtaining patience. Remember the it's the journey, not so much the destination.

New Beginning

Blogging is new for me; a new adventure if you will. My religion, the Christian faith, has been such a great part of my life. I hope all of you find this blog inspirational, a welcome effort and profitable in your every day lives.

If I offend anyone, I'm not trying to do so. I release what's in my mind, heart and soul and hope that I inspire while doing so. As He gives to me, I share with you. I'm not a clergy member, but I do love Him just the same. Please join me, in faith, representing Him and all He's given us.

Thanks,

Bea